am i being completely negative or is this not a conspiracy to ruin me?
i somehow have come to the conclusion that i have no friends (well none that i call my best ones...) because even though they know the truth they refuse to take up for me. none of my friends seem to really care that im being put through all this crap for no reason. they're like... oh well this happened topday and so and so said this. hello. im having a crisis here. a little sympathy and your slightest attention would be appreciated. and i cannot believe what charles told me. that is what really brought on this anit-people thing.
kayla was right in saying that peopole are only running with this because it's so unbelievable. maybe because it's not true? ever think of that? but i guess gossip cant be boring and ordinary... you know.
im learning i guess. im not used to this.
but if everyone wants to make things up about me and believe something so totally untrue and disgusting about me... even people that were there but are too afraid to tell the truth?
well i dont need friends like that. im not even going to try anymore. i always try to be a good friend. but it's okay.
really.
i was born a loser and somehow possesed this weird thing called popularity which i never quite understood. it's full of people who dont get you or even intend to.
it's not about relationships but rather about "good TIMES"
not "good people" or "good conversation"
it's never who your with... but rather what you're doing.
im just tired of trying to pretend to be something im not. i dont fit in with these people. i just try to because we once did mesh well. and i love them but they dont care about me enough it seems.
i just feel like being alone until i can get the hell out of here and meet more people worth knowing.
like brady. brady is one of the coolest people ive ever met. i never knew he was someone i could talk to about just about anything for hours. but magically i realized that.
no matter if stupid REDNECKS throw condoms at him? which is so immature and only makes them look intimidated by them.
and jacob and clark too. all three of them. they're just real people. they like what they like with no apologies.
jacob and i have known each other for a long time. we went through some stuff but came out being the best of friends. he really helped me out with some stuff i never thought i would talk to him about... he was there for me at the drop of a hat.
hat - drop - jacob
and clark... man of few words. he doens't say much (unless he's in a mary mood which is seldom) and well we still haven't had a goooood convo in a while...but i know him and i know he's always been a great friend to me too.
i mean i keep trying to find the silver lining in the clouds... but it really isn't there.
im still not sure what i did to deserve this... but whatever.
i know in my heart that im not that kind of girl and that i would never do anything like that.... ever. but i dont have to beg and plead for people to look at the facts and be logical.
think whatever you want okay>?
i dont caree anymore.
i dont want friends that dont already know me by now... enough to know me like the back iof their hand.
i like to know people... but nobody really knows me i guess....
people really dont get me.
i didn't think i was THAT hard to figure out. but okay. it's fine. i just hate that everything becomes clear at one time. it's a little too much to take.